Welcome to yet another edition of Chloe Can’t Get Her Brain Together To Write A Proper Review Yet So Here Are Her Screaming Thoughts!
Glad you could make it. I did this awhile back with Kingdom of Ash and had a lot of fun doing it! Probably because of my proclivity towards live-blogging. You should see me during Bachelor Season, that’s when things get real spicy!
Be warned there are definitely SPOILERS throughout this entire ordeal so turn back now if you haven’t read Queen of Air and Darkness yet! Or Lord of Shadows. Or Lady Midnight. Just assume it’s all spoilers.
If you HAVE NOT read QoAaD yet, you should check out Loretta @ Laughing Listener‘s equally screamy, but spoiler free 132 SPOILER FREE THOUGHTS I HAD WHILE READING QOAAD
OKAY. THIS IS HAPPENING. GIRD YOUR LOINS. It’s so serious.
1. WOOOOOOOW this is brutal I cannot believe I did this to myself voluntarily. Like I signed up for these emotions .I was like SURE. GIMME THE PAIN. How dare I, honestly.
2. I love Cristina x Mark but like Cristina x Kieran really just tugs at my heart he’s SO CONCERNED ABOUT HER. Obvi the only solution is throple.
3. “Loved” in the Past. Tense. Julian. Baby. What did you dooooooo
4. Simons D&D character 😂😂😂😂
5. Don’t you touch Kieran you HAG I WILL MURDER ALL OF YOU
6. If Zara lives through this I will go into this book and kill her myself. I mean it.
7. Oh SHIT Julian stabbed this guy. He just STABBED HIM.
8. “You MURDERED him”
“Emma be practical”
9. Emma: Does all this stuff to stop Julian from loving her and save them from the curse
Julian: Axes his emotions to stop loving Emma and saves them from the curse
10. Lol Kit you useless lesbian – stop marveling at your handsome boyfriend and be useful!
11. Heeeere comes Kieran to save the daaaay
12. I always think of that scene in Parks and Rec where April is like “This is my boyfriend, and this is his boyfriend.”
13. Kit wanted to impress Ty. Ty brushes Kits hair out of his face. I. Ca. N. T.
14. Oh GOD Julian manipulating Emma is just sending a huge crack through my damn heart oooooooh gooooood whyyyyy
15. “I’ve been awake for a while – but I pretended to be asleep because it was awkward.” KIERAN.
16. Yaaaay throple adventures in Faerie!
17. SOMEONE SMACK THESE FOOLS. It’s so hard to hear them spout their hateful rhetoric because it’s much much much too real.
18. Honestly still haunted by emotionless/Julian manipulating Emma in Faerie
19. Let Aline Punch Horace 2019!
20. SEBASTIAN MORGENSTERNS BRAT. OMG.
21. I know this soggy lampshade of a human is not thinking she can walk up in here and wield Cortana BITCH YOU THOUGHT
22. Damnit Gwen why didn’t you throw that axe into Zara’s chest honestly.
23. IT’S CLARY. CLARY AND HER LIGHT. AND JACE. I M THRILLED THEY’RE HERE. Maybe now we can get our lives together.
24. Lol Emma being into Adaon when he snaps at her like “Zaddy what that mouth do?!”
25. Please please don’t make Ty kill his reanimated sister. That would just be. That would just be TOO CRUEL and I’m WORRIED ABOUT IT.
26. No no no no no NOPITTY NOPE NOPE. NOTHING HAPPENS TO KIERAN. NOT ON MY WATCH. SAVE HIM. SAVE KIEKEEE.
27. Fuck em up Seelie Queen
28. OH NO ADAON. ZADDY.
29. oh Jesus this book is gonna give me a heart attack I s2g
30. KIERAN OLYMPIC CHAMPION IN ELF BOLT THROWING!
31. SIMONS FIGURINE SAVES THE DAY
32. Oh well. Let’s just go through to the hell portal then shan’t we. That will be FINE. SHON’T IT.
33. The Cohort spread the blight to Idris?! I. WILL. MOISTEN ALL THEIR SOCKS. THEY’LL NEVER HAVE DRY SOCKS AGAIN. FROM HELL’S HEART I STAB AT THEE.
34. Uh oh. I’ve made it to Part Two.
35. His emotions are back thank god, I wasn’t feeling that at ALL. It edges on a trope I haaaate.
36. Alternate reality world!!!!!!!!!! POSSIBILITIESSSS
37. Oh no! What happened at Disneyland ?!
38. It’s only been a WEEK since Livvy? OOF. WHAT A WEEK. WOW.
39. Cats with the faces of HUMAN. BABIES. Okay. Great. That’s about as much as I can take today, I’m going out in the sun for a bit my gOD.
40. What happened to Magnus and Alec in this hellworld is horrifying and someone stop the ride I’d like to get off.
41. “You didn’t even kiss us goodbye.” I’m just sobbing listening to Livvy’s story. I said stop THE RIDE I WANT TO GET OFF.
42. You know what there is such a thing as TOO SENSUAL and frankly James Marsters narrating the sexy scenes with his deep voice, and it rumbles, and it is TOO MUCH. THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH I CAN TAKE AND IM OVERWHELMED. I NEED. SOME TIME. TO RECOVER. I gotta like go lie down or something. On an iceberg.
43. Oh dang. Julian just slicing spines. Cool. Coolcoolcoolcool.
44. Hmmmm. This whole alternate dimension situation has edged into yet ANOTHER trope I don’t care for. Just barely.
45. Lol Aline throwing a lamp for attention 😂I love her.
46. Get Cortana out of Zara’s sticky incompetent hand!!! CUT HER DOWN EMMA. READ HER TO FILTH.
47. Oooooh nooo. the curse is eating at Emma. Things are gonna get TRICKY. WHAT A PICKLE WE’RE IN NOW.
48. Omg there is a part three?! No disrespect but this is the longest book that’s ever existed.
49. Omg Emma….are you cutting the parabatai bond?! GIRL. WHAT?
50. Kit is telling Ty he loves him. KIT THINKS IT DOESN’T MATTER TO TY. I AM DEAD IN THE GROUND, BETTER RAISE ME TOO WHILE YOU’RE AT IT BOYS.
51. Holy shit….Kit?!??!? What did you just DO?!
52. No. It cannot be ZARA. Of all people who takes down Emma I will NOT.
53. It is THOUGH?! IT’S JUST FUCKING ZARA DEARBORN?! I CURSE THE DAY
54. Whaaaaaat issasss HAAAPPPWEWENNNIIIINNNGGGGGGG. How is this happening?!
55. WH AAA T. I S. H AAPPEN ING?!
56. Oh so…so we’re just….just snapping people in half now, are we? We’re giants who SNAP? PEOPLE?? IN HALF??? NOW???
57. So…..THAT HAPPENED.
58. It just burned it out of them? Everything is….fine now?
59. “I’m also a filthy pervert!” said Jace “Or at least I aspire to be! You have no idea what I get up to in my spare time. Just last week I asked Clary to buy me a-” a what? A WHAT JACE!?? (I love him so much)
60. Oh what the HELL Zara. Someone please SLAP HER?! WHY. WHY IS SHE ALLOWED TO GO ABOUT UNSLAPPED.
61. Woah I’ve never ever thought of who funds the Shadowhunters and where their money comes from. Fascinating side tidbit.
62. OH GREAT. I know everyone is fine and happy and we should be having a lovely time at this wedding but I’m left so like….WHELP.
63. Oh DEAR. we have TWO Jace’s running around now?! Two lil hotties? WHAT EVER ARE WE GOING TO DO.
64. Can I just have the Ty/Kit book now?! I’ll just take that now and be on my way. You can just drop it in my hands. My lil handsy hands. Pop that sucker right in my chili scoopers, and I’ll go. Thanks.